Some characters in movies and books bore their relatives by repeating family stories to the point where other characters roll their eyes and finish the sentences themselves. Those annoyed relatives don’t know how lucky they are. When my brother and I were teenagers, we had to ask our parents how they met because they had never mentioned it. I have a feeling this is typical of the times. Hopefully the quarantine acted a catalyst to get families talking to each other more.
In my last post [here], I talked about looking through heirlooms and photos to find out more about your ancestors. But plenty of family stories have no keepsakes attached to them.
Lately, I’ve been interviewing family members and writing down some of their history, partly for posterity and partly just to know them better. I recently finished typing a collection of stories from my dad’s childhood, his college years, his time in the army, and anecdotes from his workplace. In retrospect, I probably should have recorded the stories on video or audio for a richer experience. But one benefit of writing is that, as story fragments are added to over time, I’m able to present fuller stories on paper.
I would recommend asking your relatives about their lives. Especially if you are in a younger generation, talk to people while you still have the opportunity. Ask them about themselves and about older generations, since they may be the last link to those who have passed on.
I also recommend talking about your life, especially if you are in an older generation. Talk even if no one asks, even if you think you have nothing worthwhile to say, even if you assume no one would care to hear about your time working as a cashier in a hardware store. It matters.
Another option is to write your story yourself. If you do this, I would share it with your families now. That way, you can answer questions and clear up any confusion. Also, knowing more of your history and more about you can promote understanding, empathy, and respect.
Pick a person. What can you find out about their family, friends, hobbies, jobs, vacations, and their favorite things (book genres, music, food, holidays, movies, sports, etc.)? What challenges did they face? What have they overcome in their lifetime? What lessons did they learn? What mistakes did they make? What do they wish they’d done differently? What goals did they have? Did their goals change over time? What did they accomplish?
I’m interested in not just what people did, but why. Why did they choose that job? Were they attracted to that line of work? Were they following in another relative’s footsteps? Was the job close to where they lived? Did it offer the best pay? Did they know the manager? Their reasoning can give insight into their personality. Even learning why someone likes to watch specific TV shows can be enlightening.
Find out what’s cool about your relatives! What makes them unique? What’s memorable about their behavior or character? The last three generations of women on my mother’s side have been a Charleston dance champion, a candidate for public office, and the first woman hired as an Engineering Technician by the Illinois Highway Department.
I think the best stories showcase a relative’s personality, and often have nothing to do with facts that can be verified by records. It’s a catchphrase or habit or attitude. If they work the line “Here’s the kicker” into every story, remember that. Write it down. That’s the kind of stuff you won’t want to forget.