I’ve been hearing the idea lately of changing how you tell your life story. Instead of saying, “I lost the big game. I’m a loser,” you change the telling of the story to “My team made it to the state playoffs, where we tried our best.” It seems like the purpose is to put you in a better position to move forward in life. I see the value of this exercise. My question is, why stop there?
Why not erase your past altogether, or make up a new past, if you don’t like your old one?
What if you were a wallflower without any formal culinary experience, and now you wanted to open a bakery? Wouldn’t it be easier to imagine yourself as a successful business owner if you had been Student Council President and had taken culinary classes since freshman year of high school? Would you feel more prepared and confident with a history of leadership and culinary training for your new bakery CEO position? I probably would.
“Fake it ’til you make it” goes the popular adage. I wouldn’t condone falsifying documents, lying in court under oath, or telling people made-up stories under the pretext that they’re true. But what about telling yourself stories? Is it wrong to make up a new past if it propels you to a better future?
Honesty is upheld as a virtue. But truth is subjective. “What happened” is subjective. “Reality” is subjective. Our memories aren’t always reliable, and they’re selective. Not only that, each person’s version of a memory can change over time. Why do we hold so strongly to our memories, even the ones that continue to hurt us and hold us back- even the ones that aren’t true? Is having a familiar sense of self so important that we’re willing to risk our future success and happiness for it? If you’re going to remember an event wrongly anyway, why not remember it to your advantage?
There’s a saying, attributed to different people, about how “Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.” The irony is that, because we remember our pasts (whether or not the memories are accurate), some of us seem to keep reliving the same damaging behavior patterns. (“One crabby airport employee snapped at me when I asked an innocuous question, so that’s it! I’m never asking a question in an airport again!”)
I propose an experiment, a chance to rebuild your foundation. There’s another quote (also attributed to lots of different people) that says, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” What if you wiped away your past? Imagine having no predetermined notion of what you are or aren’t capable of, what you’re good or bad at. No notion of titles like “The Artistic One” or “The Funny One” or “The Smart One” being assigned to you- or already claimed by someone else. Imagine holding no grudges. Then engineer a history of…whatever sounds good to you, whether it’s finishing projects, being athletic, taking risks, adapting to new technology, being a good listener, or, ironically, being honest.
Where would you go from there?